The Pain and the Great One Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 1974, 1984 by Randy Blume and Larry Blume

  Cover art and interior illustrations copyright © 2014 by Debbie Ridpath Ohi

  All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York. Originally published as part of the collection Free to Be … You and Me, by McGraw Hill, New York, in 1974. Republished in the United States by Bradbury Press, Inc., New York, in 1984, and subsequently published in hardcover with new illustrations by Simon and Schuster, Inc., in 2014.

  Delacorte Press is a registered trademark and the

  colophon is a trademark of Random House LLC.

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  eBook ISBN 978-0-553-51332-5

  First Delacorte Press Ebook Edition 2014

  Random House Children’s Books supports the

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  v3.1

  To the original Pain and the Great One with Love

  — J. B.

  For Ruth, the best sister in the world

  —D. R. O.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  The Pain

  The Great One

  About the Author

  My brother’s a pain.

  He won’t get out of bed

  In the morning.

  Mom has to carry him

  Into the kitchen.

  He opens his eyes

  When he smells

  His cornflakes.

  He should get dressed himself.

  He’s six.

  He’s in first grade.

  But he’s so pokey

  Daddy has to help him

  Or he’d never be ready in time

  And he’d miss the bus.

  He cries if I

  Leave without him.

  Then Mom gets mad

  And yells at me

  Which is another reason why

  My brother’s a pain.

  He’s got to be first

  To show Mom

  His schoolwork.

  She says ooh and aah

  Over all his pictures

  Which aren’t great at all

  But just ordinary

  First grade stuff.

  At dinner he picks

  At his food.

  He’s not supposed

  To get dessert

  If he doesn’t

  Eat his meat.

  But he always

  Gets it anyway.

  When he takes a bath

  My brother the pain

  Powders the whole bathroom

  And never gets his face clean.

  Daddy says

  He’s learning to

  Take care of himself.

  I say,

  He’s a slob!

  My brother the Pain

  Is two years younger than me.

  So how come

  He gets to stay up

  As late as I do?

  Which isn’t really late enough

  For somebody in third grade

  Anyway.

  I asked Mom and Daddy about that.

  They said,

  “You’re right.

  You are older.

  You should stay up later.”

  So they tucked the Pain

  Into bed.

  I couldn’t wait

  For the fun to begin.

  I waited

  And waited

  And waited.

  But Daddy and Mom

  Just sat there

  Reading books.

  Finally I shouted,

  “I’m going to bed!”

  “We thought you wanted

  To stay up later,”

  They said.

  “I did.

  But without the Pain

  There’s nothing to do!”

  “Remember that tomorrow,”

  Mom said.

  And she smiled.

  But the next day

  My brother was a pain again.

  When I got a phone call

  He danced all around me

  Singing stupid songs

  At the top of his lungs.

  Why does he have to act that way?

  And why does he always

  Want to be garbage man

  When I build a city

  Out of blocks?

  Who needs him

  Knocking down buildings

  With his dumb old trucks!

  And I would really like to know

  Why the cat sleeps on the Pain’s bed

  Instead of mine

  Especially since I am the one

  Who feeds her.

  That is the meanest thing of all!

  I don’t understand

  How Mom can say

  The Pain is lovable.

  She’s always kissing him

  And hugging him

  And doing disgusting things

  Like that.

  And Daddy says

  The Pain is just what

  They always wanted.

  YUCK!

  I think they love him better than me.

  My sister thinks she’s so great

  Just because she’s older

  Which makes Daddy and Mom think

  She’s really smart.

  But I know the truth.

  My sister’s a jerk.

  She thinks she’s great

  Just because she can

  Play the piano

  And you can tell

  The songs are real ones.

  But I like my songs better

  Even if nobody

  Ever heard them before.

  My sister thinks she’s so great

  Just because she can work

  The can opener.

  Which means she gets

  To feed the cat.

  Which means the cat

  Likes her better than me

  Just because she feeds her.

  My sister thinks she’s so great

  Just because Aunt Diana lets

  Her watch the baby

  And tells her how much

  The baby likes her.

  And all the time

  The baby is sleeping

  In my dresser drawer.

  Which Mom has fixed up

  Like a bed

  For when the baby

  Comes to visit.

  And I’m not supposed

  To touch him

  Even if he’s

  In my drawer

  And gets changed

  On my bed.

  My sister thinks she’s so great

  Just because she can

  Remember phone numbers.

  And when she dials

  She never gets

  The wrong person.

  And when she has friends over

  They build whole cities

  Out of blocks.

  I like to be garbage man.

  I zoom my trucks all around.

  So what if I knock down

  Some of their buildings?

  “It’s not fair

  That she always gets

  To use the blocks!”

  I told Daddy and M
om.

  They said,

  “You’re right.

  Today you can use the blocks

  All by yourself.”

  “I’m going to build a whole city

  Without you!”

  I told the Great One.

  “Go ahead,” she said.

  “Go build a whole state without me.

  See if I care!”

  So I did.

  I built a whole country

  All by myself.

  Only it’s not the funnest thing

  To play blocks alone.

  Because when I zoomed my trucks

  And knocked down buildings

  Nobody cared but me!

  “Remember that tomorrow,”

  Mom said, when I told her

  I was through playing blocks.

  But the next day

  We went swimming.

  I can’t stand my sister

  When we go swimming.

  She thinks she’s so great

  Just because she can swim and dive

  And isn’t afraid

  To put her face

  In the water.

  I’m scared to put mine in

  So she calls me baby.

  Which is why

  I have to

  Spit water at her

  And pull her hair

  And even pinch her sometimes.

  And I don’t think it’s fair

  For Daddy and Mom to yell at me

  Because none of it’s my fault.

  But they yell anyway.

  Then Mom hugs my sister

  And messes with her hair

  And does other disgusting things

  Like that.

  And Daddy says

  The Great One is just what

  They always wanted.

  YUCK!

  I think they

  love her better

  than me.

  JUDY BLUME, one of America’s most popular authors, is the recipient of the 2004 National Book Foundation’s Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters. She is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of many beloved books for young people, including Freckle Juice and The One in the Middle Is the Green Kangaroo. Her work has been translated into thirty-two languages. Visit Judy at JudyBlume.com or follow her on Twitter @JudyBlume.

 

 

  Judy Blume, The Pain and the Great One

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